You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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