I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
