I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
