Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
