none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Vodka?
Forever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize