using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
