And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
