Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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