Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
