good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
