blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
