my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
