I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
