I'm lost and stupid without you.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
