How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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