I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
