So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
3 2 1 whiskey
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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