I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think i have two assholes
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't notice because vodka
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
