WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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