it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
