May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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