If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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