Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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