Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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