I'm jealous of your bromance
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
