Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
