We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
