According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
