it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
