just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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