Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
