At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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