hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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