Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize