Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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