I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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