It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize