Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
