i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
