and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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