matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
