i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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