I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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