Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
