I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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