I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
