The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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