You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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