There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
