even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
