just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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