Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
