I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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