found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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