i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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