kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
