I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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