youre lurking in front of me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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