Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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