Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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