Your tits are I can't wait for
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize