oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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