my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
