my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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