It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
